


Selfish Love

by LadyJaye



Series: Selfish Love [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Break Up, Failure to Communicate, Friendship/Love, I wrote this instead of cleaning, Insecure Tony, M/M, Multi, Not meant to be bashing, Polyamory, Pre-Relationship, Still a pinch of salt though, basically I wrote this instead of doing a lot of other things I should be doing, or sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 21:23:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20015005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyJaye/pseuds/LadyJaye
Summary: “I really thought I could do it, Rhodey,” Tony said after the lights were off. “You know, make Steve happy so he didn’t have to choose.”Somethings just don't work out.





	Selfish Love

**Author's Note:**

> Uhh Hi! As per the tags I wrote this when I should have been asleep and then re-read it when I should have been cleaning or being otherwise more productive than I have been this morning. So here ya go! 
> 
> Full warning this isn't beta'd but I did my best to read through it on two-ish hours of sleep.

There was a crack in the ceiling. 

He noticed it earlier, while balls deep in his boyfriend, watching him kiss another man. That was inaccurate. He noticed while Steve rode him, his current boyfriend, while he furiously made out with his ex-boyfriend, also Tony's sort of temporary current boyfriend. That...wasn’t much better all things considered. Normally, sex with Steve meant he didn’t have the mental capacity to notice such things. Steve was broad and warm, always seeming to cover him fully from head to toe. A shield against the world keeping him safe. 

So much for that. 

He didn’t feel safe lying in bed curled up against Steve’s back while Steve was tucked neatly into Bucky’s side. Eventually he rolled onto his back and there it was, a long crack in the plaster above them, stretching from the domed ceiling light to the window. Steve had been calling the super about it for months and was given the runaround for his troubles. It wasn’t the first time the crack had appeared during his 2 year lease but before they had just painted over it claiming they were hairline fractures. Now, the problem was much more pronounced. When he squinted in the dark room he could see the faint line continue down the wall next to the window. Structural damage. He was supposed to take a look at it being a contractor and all. His Dad really would shit a brick if he could see him fixing his boyfriend’s ceiling like a common maintenance man and not rolling around town in a sleek suit like the property developer he was supposed to be. What else could he say but that he liked working with his hands and he was much more like his mother, the retired restoration artist, than Howard. 

Thank God he’d left that part of Stark Properties to Pepper. Even though the move had been more to appease Steve at the time he didn’t exactly regret the decision. Pepper took to the job like a duck to water and managed all of the moving parts of the company with an ease Tony didn’t have the heart to project anymore. Plus, he wanted more time at home. That was maybe the part he really regretted. Listening to their soft snores, loud in the relative quiet of the Williamsburg apartment, feeling the way Steve turned even more into Barnes by the minute while he lay awake staring at that damn crack in the ceiling was maddening. 

He rolled over slowly, not wanting to wake either of them because it would mean a conversation he didn’t want to have, and checked the small clock on the bedside table. Tony eased his way out of bed, not that either of the occupants noticed, and slipped back into his jeans and button down ignoring the clammy feeling on his skin. He waited until he was out the door, keys in hand, wallet tucked into his pocket, to jam his feet back into his loafers. 

The drive to the bar was short at one something in the morning but it was nearest to Rhodey’s apartment and he had no plans on driving back until later in the day so he rationalized his way past the three or so much closer local spots until he hit the BQE. He’d texted his friend before he left and wasn’t shocked to find the man still awake. James Rhodes could deny it all he wanted but 25 years in the Air Force didn’t change the fact that when he was off duty he turned into the night owl he always had been. Night long engineering binges solidified it long before he shipped out for basic training. 

He parked in the underground deck beneath Rhodey’s building and hoofed it the five blocks south to their favorite bar, a neighborhood joint that was more of a hole in the wall with tables and barstools stretched along its walls covered in literary themes. 

Rhodey was already waiting for him, dressed like he’d rolled out of bed in his joggers and thin and faded MIT t-shirt. He slid his half full glass of dark amber liquid over to Tony the moment he plopped down onto the adjacent stool and lifted a hand to signal the bartender further down the line for two more. 

“You look like shit,” he said. Coming from anyone else it would have sounded like either a joke or a jab but from Rhodey it just sounded like concern. Tony Stark maybe an internationally recognized bi-disaster of a human being but even dressed down in public he had a neatness to him. A “never let them see you bleed” demeanor that hadn’t slipped once since high school. 

Tony knocked back the drink and enjoyed the burn even as his tongue darted out to savor the last bits of smoky sweetness left along his bottom lip. 

“Bourbon?” 

“Tennessee Whiskey,” Rhodey answered to which Tony nodded respectfully. Two more glasses were plunked down in front of them in short order. They each grabbed a glass but while Rhodey took a sip of his Tony absently swirled the liquid around in his own. 

“You wanna talk about it,” Rhodey looked over at him, elbows braced on the bar pushing his shoulders up near his ears. It didn’t make him look younger per say but it did make him look less rigid military than he usually did since he’d retired. The older man had taken to overcompensating like he’d forgotten how to be a civilian now that he had a chance to relax and be normal for the first time in decades. “Come on man, I didn’t judge you when you told me you guys were going to try it. I’m not going to judge you now.” 

“It’s not that.” 

It really wasn’t. 

“Then what?” 

You really don’t want to know. 

“Tones--” 

“I’m a coward,” Tony said, not loudly. There was hardly anyone else in the bar at this point so he didn’t need to shout. Last call wasn’t for another hour and a half. More if Tony kept over paying for drinks. The bartenders here knew them well enough by now that keeping the bar open for them meant the kind of tips that could cover half a month’s rent. Well worth it in Tony’s opinion and clearly also in theirs. 

“You gonna explain that or--?” 

“I thought, Jesus man, I don’t know what I thought,” he said, afraid to say anymore around the lump building in his throat. He blinked back his tears. What was more cliche than crying his eyes out to his best friend in a bar? Well, he could be sobbing over cheap beer. 

“Everyone thinks they’ll be okay with it,” Rhodey said after a beat not exactly touching on what the situation was even though he knew most of the full story anyway. “In my unit there were more than a few airmen who were boastful about having done it themselves. I never believe them. It’s different when...you know. It takes a lot. When it’s not just a casual thing. I’ve never--but it seems like--” 

“I can’t do it,” Tony told him, finally bringing his glass to his lips, unafraid of the way his hand shook minutely. Rhodey wouldn’t judge. He never did. 

“It doesn’t make you a coward Tones.” 

“Then what does it make me?” Tony spat, bitter that after all these years of being labeled as he was. A player, a slut, insert vicious sexually charged slurs here. He was having trouble here of all places. He’d even had a threesome before. More than that, multiple times, with no trouble at all. 

“A human being, man. Just like the rest of us,” Rhodey smiled at him. He reached out and squeezed his shoulder once before sliding his hand up and resting it just there on the back of his neck. Not tight or controlling just grounding. He whined into his drink when Rhodey returned to holding his drink, already missing the contact. 

“I don’t wanna go back tonight,” Tony told him, like he hadn’t already planned not to be there when they woke up. Like he wasn’t the type to book a hotel or, fuck it all, sleep in his car if it came down to it. He didn’t think he’d have the strength to do what he had to do if he woke up to Steve’s blue eyes and electric smile. That shit was his kryptonite and would sink him right back down to where he admittedly didn’t want to be. It just smarted, the whole damn thing. Wasn’t he supposed to be the type of person who could do such a thing? 

Rhodey snorted and swallowed the rest of his drink in one go, Tony ignored how steadily he watched his throat work, and almost giggled at those old feelings creeping up that he’d kept at bay for a good almost thirty years. It made him tired just thinking about it. 

“Well you’ve already parked your car in my garage,” Rhodey said knowingly. “I still don’t have a couch yet.” 

Tony rolled his eyes. “You’ve been living there for three months, platypus. Three whole months! How the hell haven’t you just hit up Ikea or something?” 

“I thought you said Ikea was the devil,” Rhodey looked at him expectantly and Tony knew what he was doing. They’d been playing this game for decades and he had to admit he felt a tiny bit better already so he let himself fall into it. 

“Well it’s still better than the floor. There are any number of furniture stores in the city. Just pick one you old man!” 

“Oh, I already have. There’s a delivery from Ted’s Beds Furniture in the Red in the works. Gave me a heck of a discount,” Rhodey said proudly. Tony blinked once, twice, three times for good measure before placing the back of his hand on Rhodey’s forehead for a moment and nodding sullenly. He pulled out his phone and began dialing. 

“Who the hell are you calling?” 

“911,” Tony said calmly. “You clearly have some sort of tumor in your brain. We need an MRI, stat. Don’t worry buddy, we’ll get you fixed as soon as possible!” 

Rhodey laughed so hard he nearly fell off his stool completely missing the deadly serious look Tony gave him. He’d burn all his furniture and start him from scratch if he so much as let a single piece from, ugh gross, Ted’s Beds cross the threshold of one of his buildings. In fact he was sure he could get it put in the lease if Rhodey hadn’t outright bought his apartment. He could take a lot of things. A LOT OF THINGS. But seeing that much gaudy furniture in one place might actually kill him. 

\---

They stumbled back to Rhodey’s apartment something like an hour later. Honestly, he couldn't be bothered to check his phone and the man didn't have a night stand much less a bedside clock to refer to for answers.

“I could sleep on the floor you know,” Tony reminded him. Rhodey just rolled his eyes, toed off his shoes and socks, and dropped down on to the big California King bed with a relaxed sigh. 

“There’s plenty of room, Tones. Besides, it’s not like we haven’t slept in the same bed before,” he answered. The A/C was on full blast. Rhodey hated the summer months just as much as Tony abhorred winter but for some reason he still enjoyed going to bed almost fully clothed and swaddled in blankets. Go figure. Tony slid back out of his jeans and shoes but left his shirt on for comfort before wrapping himself up under the weighted duvet. He curled his toes into the silk sheets remembering at once that the whole setup had been a very expensive house warming gift from himself. His best friend had a hard time spending money on himself and probably would have gone somewhere like Bob’s Discount Furniture to get a full sized bed because he didn’t “need that much space”. Granted, he was a man who’d spent a disproportionate amount of time living barracks when he could have already had a house so Tony wasn’t sure why he was surprised. 

What was more surprising was Rhodey allowing him to go all out on a custom made mattress set and bed frame, not that he went ostentatious with the simple set up, and expensive sheets. There hadn’t been a peep when the surprise delivery came that day. Only a soft thank you when Tony showed up hours later with a bottle of “welcome to your new life” wine and take out. It was weird, but Tony hadn’t wanted to call attention to it then, considering their first big fight had been over Tony tricking out their first apartment in college with the best electronics and furniture money could buy to be sure his best friend would be comfortable. Rhodey had not been amused and demanded he return it all. Huh. 

Once again, go figure. 

They both wriggled around until they were comfortable and ended up much closer than Tony expected, maybe about six inches apart, Rhodey on his back with one arm clutching the underside of his pillow and Tony on his side facing his friend with a pillow between his knees. 

“I really thought I could do it, Rhodey,” Tony said after the lights were off. “You know, make Steve happy so he didn’t have to choose.” 

Sirens blared in the distance somewhere closer to downtown and weirdly enough the noise was enough to make him feel that much more tired. He felt like he was sinking comfortably into the mattress surrounded by soft blankets and Rhodey’s unique smell. 

“What about what you want, Tony? You signed on for a boyfriend, not whatever it is that Steve is expecting from you. You gave six months didn’t you?” 

“Yeah, but--” 

“But nothing. You gave six months, you tried. Didn’t you try?” 

Tony thought about it. His mind wandered over date nights all together, nights spent alone so Steve could have some time with Bucky on their own, friendly game nights with Steve’s friends. God that was going to be worse than the impending break up. Dealing with their friends, who were really Steve’s friends, and who Tony had no illusions about which person they’d stand by because it really would be a break up. 

In what world would Steve choose him over Bucky? His first love, his first pretty much everything. He’d brought it up twice now when he’d been feeling especially low. How much more often nights panned out with just Steve and Bucky rather than all three of them or Tony and either of them. And the response had been, not encouraging. 

“I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being selfish,” Tony whispered. “I’m the selfish asshole leaving them.” 

“Hey,” Rhodey snapped, eyes wide open, glaring at him from his pillow inches away. He looked ridiculous with all of the fluff surrounding him. 

“Don’t talk about my best friend like that. He’s an asshole sometimes, but seeing as he’s my asshole I’m pulling the best friend card and declaring that he’s not an asshole for this. Not for choosing to get out of a bad situation,” Rhodey said. “Now, do you want me to come with you tomorrow? Whatever you want Tones. I’ve got your back.” 

He was suddenly thankful for the darkness masking his flushed face. No one defended him like Rhodey. Not even Steve and that seemed terrible for a time but right about now he was just grateful for that indisputable fact. Knowing he was in his corner no matter what meant...well it meant everything to him. He cleared his throat, dislodging the tight feeling building up there. 

“Maybe if you just waited in the car? I think I'm going to ask them to meet me at the diner down the block from the apartment. We usually go there for breakfast. I don’t think they’ll try anything. They’re not like that.” 

“I know. The apartment was home, though.” 

“Yeah,” Tony agreed quietly. 

“Hey Rhodey?” 

The retired Airforce Colonel blew out a short breath through his nose before answering. 

“Yes, Tony?” 

“You didn’t really buy furniture from Ted’s Beds right? Because there’s like a hundred better places we can go to. Not even in the city! I can order you stuff from practically anywhere!” 

Rhodey chuckled at his distressed tone and before Tony could get indignant he shocked the hell out of him. 

“Maybe I was just waiting for you to come by so we could go shopping together. Ever think about that?” 

Tony ducked his head, inadvertently nuzzling the pillow. His eyes fluttered at the sensation of his beard rubbing against the soft fabric. 

“Oh,” was all he said. 

“Thought so,” was all Rhodey said back without the bitterness one might expect. “Go to sleep Tones.” 

Tony huffed indignantly against the sheets but closed his eyes anyway.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think! As always concrit is welcome just not shitty behaviour.


End file.
